DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
