I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
