Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
