Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
