mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
