I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
