I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
