dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm at about main and main street
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
