hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize