hotel room ftw
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
