I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
