What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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