I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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