I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
