The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize