took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
