Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
