Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
