i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just gargled with NyQuil
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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