Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
