I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I need to align my fucking chakras
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
