I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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