I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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