New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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