where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
A bitchslap is in order.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
