I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
