why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
