you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This is the high leading the old right now
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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