1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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