wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
