We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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