Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
