Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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