If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
