My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
