I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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