i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
