i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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