I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize