well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize