I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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