Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize