i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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