Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
