We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
