I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
