i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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