I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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