OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
