I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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