So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
