Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
