My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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