i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
