Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
