This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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