Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
