You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
