Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm at about main and main street
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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