So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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