He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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