Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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