that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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