the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
