my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
